Friday, October 29, 2010

The Situation Turns Generally Gross

4th NW Quadrant: The Approval Matrix

From New York Magazine and MTV

The Situation plays on Jersey Shore is from Staten Island, NY. He is also known as Mike.

Mike may have a sensitive side, but he has plenty of game to go with it. He knows what he wants from his summer at the Jersey Shore and is not going to let anything stop him from getting it -- even his roommates. The way he sees it, he has the situation under control.

Well, this episode was terrible. Save yourself some time and don’t read this recap, and, if at all possible, go back in time and unwatch this episode. Everything about it was awful, and should we even watch season three? Yes, but also definitely no. They’re all such idiots. And so, as punishment — because surely the show’s whole cast is reading and will feel very saddened by this — we’ll distribute Mike’s barfed-up frog legs from their Last Supper–style Everglades meal to whoever was the most entertaining.

Vinny: No Barfed-Up Frog Legs
Sammi: One Barfed-Up Frog Leg
Snooki: Two Barfed-Up Frog Legs
Pauly: Three Barfed-Up Frog Legs
JWOWW: Four Barfed-Up Frog Legs

The Situation: Six Barfed-Up Frog Legs
We have to hand it to Situation — as horrible as he is, he’s at least consistently entertaining. He eats frog legs and barfs them up nonchalantly. Steals Vinny’s grenades and makes out with one in a way that literally makes us scream alone in our house, shuttling them into the bathroom, doing something that we don’t even want to think about. What does the camera crew do during a moment like that?

Later, during the endless, moronic group fight that makes us not want to watch this show ever again, Situation basically reveals he’s in love with Pauly, whining on and on about how JWOWW was trying to “break up” their friendship. Then Ronnie addresses the fact that Vinny committed a “robbery” on Pauly, stealing him from Situation. Get a rooooooom, youuu guyyys. And that about wraps it up. A disappointing end to an otherwise amusing season.

Photo: MTV

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